Five Smilers

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.”

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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite. 

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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.    

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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: ''I love the simple things in life, but I don't want one of them for my husband''.   

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''My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.''